Calling (Part 1)

My vocation is a teacher. 

Whenever I'm asked of the subject that I teach, I would always answer, "lives". 

The first 4 years of my teaching, I spent trying to be the type of teacher others expect me to be. 

I failed.

I knew that God called me into teaching but why do I feel defeated? 

There were successes in those first 4 years. However I felt uncertain about myself. I beat myself up over my weaknesses. 

It was until I embraced my own personhood and accept myself. That God made me unique and wired me in differently from others. I felt so free when I looked into my reporting officer's eye and told him that I want to be on the teaching track. 

This act was significant to me because I would always indicate that I was undecided between the leadership and teaching track. 

I got sucked into the idea that being successful at work = climbing up the career ladder. 

Some people believe that leaders are nurtured, some believed that leaders are born. 

I believe that both cases are true of a leader. He is both birthed and nurtured. 

I have come to accept that I do not have the skill set to advance at least in the very first school that I was in.

Interestingly, I also have come to see that actually it also depends on who is your boss and whether your boss can be the 伯乐 who can bring out the best in you. 

 God never waste our journeys, so even though I did not rise in my career but I found what excites me and what I'm wired for.

I remembered that there were two occasions when my pastors said that if they wanted to get an honest opinion, they would ask me.

At that time, I was a bit puzzled. Huh? 

Later on as I matured, I realised that   I value authenticity very much. Because of that, the way I communicate and respond was authentic. 

Well some would say that I lack tact or I get emotional.
But I simply can't hide that's within my heart when it comes to issues that I care about.

It also meant that as a listener, I'm always trying to cut through the all that's being said and figure out the heart of the speaker.

Even though youths are not able to articulate fully what they feel but one of their needs is to feel emotionally connected. 

Now because I'm wired to be authentic, this means that I'm in a good position to talk to the youths about life issues. 

So after four years of trying to manage my weaknesses, eg meeting deadlines for admin work. I found myself, dying to do the work that many teachers would not touch with a ten foot pole. 

I stand in front of students to talk about life and issues that matters to them.

I've speak to crowds as small as 20 to 800. 

I talk about love, marriage, respect, sex, masturbation, pornography. 

Yes. I want to talk to them because I see the need to.

It feels like Isaiah 6:8, where the Lord calls and I said "Here I am, send me."